#choice #illusion #english You can’t be ashamed of what you are; you couldn’t be—it shouldn’t be possible. After all, how could you be ashamed of something incomplete? Because you are incomplete, you know. But if you were complete, how would you know? Is there a way to define whether you are whole? Random thoughts, random thoughts. Nothing more. Trying to define life and its scope is just a struggle itself. Even if somehow you figured it out, it wouldn’t change much. So, what’s your favorite color? Yeah, that just happened, we switched topics! Just like that. No transitional paragraph or sentence like they taught us the old-fashioned way in school. After all, these are my thoughts, so my rules apply. So, what’s your favorite color? Pink? Green? Red? Another color? How do you make up your mind on what to choose? What makes the color you choose special to you? Perhaps it wasn’t really your choice? Perhaps the color just chose you? When you choose a color, you can choose the reasons you tell yourself for liking a certain color, but you can’t choose the underlying reason why it appeals to you. The preference is simply there. Random thoughts, random thoughts. Nothing more. It’s funny how you are still reading this, expecting it will conclude. It is what it’s supposed to be. Random thoughts, and thoughts don’t end. You can take a thought, twist it, swirl it around, and it will always take you somewhere. It won’t always take you to the places you want to go. Occasionally, it will take you to happy, dreamy places. Other times, it will take you to dark, gloomy places where nobody can reach you, nobody can pull you out. It’s as if you are tied to an anchor, slowly drowning in the pitch-black bottom of the ocean, losing your breath with every second that passes by. The only person who can cut the rope is you. Sure, you might find it hard to do so, but you have to find a way to free yourself because ending up breathless at the bottom of the ocean is not a pretty picture. So, you have to try and free yourself. “Try” is the keyword here. Should you just try? If you just “try,” will it keep you alive? If you “try” and don’t make it out of the ocean, what does that mean? Doesn’t that mean that you are dead? I’ve read many self-improvement books. All of them have one thing in common: they tell you to “try.” As if trying is ever enough. If you just “try,” you will end up at the bottom of the ocean. If you end up just trying, it means you did not want to be saved. If you try to get your dream job and don’t get it, maybe you didn’t really want that job. “Don’t try.” What do these words mean? They are words from the famous writer Charles Bukowski. In his life, Bukowski never tried to be a writer, he just was. Just like he knew what his favorite color was. He didn’t “try” to pick a color; it just happened. Should you stop trying? If you have to try to “try,” if you have to try to care about something or have to try to want something, perhaps you don’t care or don’t want it. Perhaps, it’s not your favorite color. Because if it was, you would just choose it.   Random thoughts, random thoughts. Nothing more. M. E